I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
She has the best kind of daddy issues
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
