the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
