Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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