You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
