She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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