it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
