So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
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He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
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I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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