His pubic hair was longer than his dick
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
