FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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