a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
