They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
