You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
