Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize