A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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