ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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