You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
