Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
