My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
