I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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