I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Randomize
