Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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