what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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