Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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