I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
