My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
