So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
No subtext here. People are naked.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
