Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
