and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
