The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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