I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
