Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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