Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My vagina just recognized that song.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
