Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
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It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
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I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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