Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
