I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
