He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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