Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
