hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Dicks are not precious.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize