mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
