One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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