the condom got lost in my hair
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just found puke in my bra..
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
