'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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