just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
