Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
