I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
