I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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