im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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