Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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