it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
