oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
