is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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