Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
