when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just cut my nipple shaving
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
