Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
