Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
