You don't have asthma, your pregnant
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
