You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
