so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Randomize
