its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize