I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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