you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
