I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
