Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
