if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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