I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
