he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
