I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
