so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
