the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
