somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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