if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
