dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
