You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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