Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
