If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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