idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
