Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
