we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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